BEYOND CALM: Rivers Dammed

Or What The Body Never Forgot

audio: song version

You are trying to “heal” and
“regulate your nervous system”, aiming for
some sort of magically elusive
liberation, within the same paradigm
that made the inquisition brutally
dispose of witches. You are
“reclaiming your power” with half
of it cut off; “reconnecting
with the earth” in her domesticated,
subjugated form. Pleasant,
mild, wild in exactly the measure
that won’t make you feel uncomfortable.

And so are you “evolving” to the
extent that looks good on Instagram.
You talk of spirals, but yours is
merely an aestheticized, anesthetized
version; it goes upward, away from—

the wretched body with its blood
and its bones and its teeth and
its pain and hunger and unbearable
lust for life. You talk of spiral time,
but your spirals are following a
linear calendar; you talk of transformation,
even citing the butterfly-to-
mush meme with staged surrender—
but your transformation never takes
you deeper — only higher, only purer, only
holier.

No dirt under your nails, no
itch for unraveling in your marrow.
You will be one with “everything”
but edit out the excessive portion.

This body did not follow a
lunar tracker. It did not seek
endless cleansing. It was — now,
primal, knowing when to yearn, when
to yield, when to collapse, when to
rise.

You cannot have “flow”
with all your rivers dammed for
convenience.

Your bloody descent
was not dysregulation —

it was the body
craving itself, outside the system
that shaped it.

---

You were taught to become calm.

To regulate your breath,
to settle down,
to let go.

That this is what “healing” is.

But in that process,
what was cut away is not spoken of.

The body is carved down.

Impulses are suppressed,
intensity is leveled,
excess is corrected.

And still,
this is called “progress.”

Called “regulation.”

In the name of calm.

But this is not calm.

It is dulling.

The absence of response.

A state where pressure has been removed.

A severing of life.

The body knows.

What has been taken.

What has not yet been allowed to circulate.

This is not a problem.

Not something to fix.

It is still moving.

Still flowing.

Only not yet touched.

---

The only thing you need to recover
is your right to exist as you are.